Winners
Some of the essayists
Contestants chose a subject from a selection of age-specific topics.
The judges, selected from across the Diaspora, used a consistent marking criteria on which they based their selection of the winners of the Essay Contest for Our Children. Judges were also invited to comment on the submissions. The following is a selection of the comments received from the Diaspora Judges. The Judges had no knowledge of the name or sex of the author of the essays.
“This pupil would have scored more highly under the Vocabulary category if he/she did not over use the word “bad” or misuse the word “mindless”. The latter caused me to lose the flow slightly, but upon a second reading the point was very much understood. Found the essay very interesting, provocative and instructive. Also very impressed with the excellent examples used such as Anthony Walker, Stephen Lawrence, the Hutus and Brenda Fassie. The effort which went into this piece of writing is self-evident.”
“This candidate displayed an admirable moral conscience. He/she also demonstrated the ability to question without blind acceptance. I applaud that. The essay was concise, to the point and held my interest. However, if there were more expansion with the examples employed this would have achieved a higher mark.”
“Interesting introduction which captures the reader’s attention immediately. However, too much is devoted to setting the scene and less in dealing with consequences of poor behaviour and solutions. Only passing reference is made to appropriate individuals ie. Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela. This needed expanding. Captivating use of own experience but again required more development. Concise and pertinent, but ended rather abruptly.”
“Well-written, provocative and intense. “
“Very impressed by the insight and maturity shown by this candidate ie”….conflict is completely natural…”.”
“Mature and balanced outlook. This writer demonstrates his/her cultural awareness and willingness to adapt to new situations. Very commendable. He/she also displays tolerance and a genuine moral conscience.”
“Strong, emotive and provocative!!! This account forces the reader to seriously consider the question. They competently examine the issues which determine the portrayal of the news and they do this well. It raises excellent thought-provoking points. I particularly liked the fact that the writer admitted his/her view was tainted by their own biases. Is this our next Alex Haley et al?? Well done, thoroughly good read!!!!
This candidate demonstrates sound recognition of alternative techniques. With more time spent on style and expression he/she will be a strong contender for next year’s competition.”
"For an 11-13 year old this is very good, seems they could have expanded more. A real dialectical approach, well structured and thought out."
"Well thought out, structured and I liked the example at the end, real wisdom."
"A good and honest self criticism, must be commended. Not easy to do this nowadays, even for adults, humbling."
"I liked the way they brought in the home experience on resolving conflicts and the emphasis on communication."
"A real interest in African affairs and concern is commendable for the age."
"However they show real concern and love for Africa and want to make a difference. They display a dislike for injustice and suffering and want to change it. Plus a strong emphasis on culture in the form of promoting knowing our own language."
"Relevance and link to historical oppression of women."
"Honesty about role of friends in life."
"Although this did not score as highly as the others due to its poor use of English language. This was the most interesting story to read, and the author had the most learning from their experiences described. "
"Very well written, with clear expressive imagery."
"The candidate sited Nelson Mandela as an example. Was pleased to see that an African role model was used. Also this candidate's solution to violence i.e. Talking and mediation - is consistent throughout the essay. This suggests that they actively carry out what they have stated. If that is the case it is reassuring to know that young people are actually practicing what is preached."
"This person set the scene and context very well, really enjoyable."
"I really enjoyed reading this. It is clear that the author has a good grasp and understanding of this subject matter."